27 April 2020 / 11.57pm
Life is full of choices, isn't it? We make choices almost every single minute of every single day. We chose to put our feet on the floor in the morning, we chose what we will eat for breakfast, we chose what time we will leave the house to work, we chose what programs to watch on youtube, what books to read. Choices! Some choices are easier to make than others, even made without a thought. Our hearts chose for us and I believe the reason for that is because our hearts know our needs far better than we, ourselves do!
I can't make the wrong choice after my form six. What's next for me?
That quiet and cozy night, I shared with my mum and dad at our rundown kitchen about what I wanted to do after form six. I told them I wanted to take up advertising course. They have no idea about advertising. But, my mum said, "Tau Fei, it's not important whether we understand or not. As long as you know what you want in life. That's the most important thing. Because our responsibility is to provide you an education. After that, you are responsible to your own life, your own choice."
I took complete charge of my life and set my course. It took me a couple of years before I able to make a decision. That's why I furthered my study to form six to make sure I have one and a half years to decide what I really want in life. Another reason was because after my form five, my family has no money to send me to college. So, I was hoping in this one and a half years, my life will change.
The hardest part is to see my good friends leaving Sitiawan to pursue their study in KL and some to overseas. I envied them. Their paths were smooth and easy. Whereas, I have to fight for my shortcoming. I never blame my family at all. I always imagine myself cycling in a University campus and lying down in green pasture. That imaginative has been consistent for years.
One day, my dad and I took an early bus to EPF office in the city to withdraw his money to prepare for my study. I saw it was RM9,800. That's my dad's hard earn money. I still remember the Malay lady's at the counter asked my dad, "uncleee, duit ini untuk anak belajar ker?" (Uncle, this money is for son's education?) My dad said, "Oooh...yeaaa. Anak nak pigi Kulu Lumpoo belajar lukis lukis. Anak sukeee lukis." (Oooh...yes. My son is going to KL to study art. He likes to draw). The lady gave my dad her biggest smile. I saw them from a close distant. Deep down my heart, I know my dad is proud of me. That's because my dad loves to draw when he was a kid. Sadly, he has to stop after form 2. So that, his younger brother can continue to study. My dad loves to study but life was very difficult for him. He started to work as an assistant storekeeper when he was 13 years old.
That day, I found the things that all of us normally yearn for; to feel important, to be appreciated, and to be loved. I feel secured and my personality can blossom out to my full potential because of the respect I received from my parents. Although my mum stopped schooling after standard 3 but she always encourage us to study because she knows only education can brings us to the next level.
Thank you, Mum and Dad!
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