21 April 2020 / 8.30pm
Let me share something lighter and happier today. :-)
Today my story will be slightly longer as requested by one of my friend after following my stories this far… :-)
I love to draw since I was 5 years old. Every year I represented my school for art competitions. I remember clearly in one of the competition, we were asked to draw surrounding scenery on the spot. I looked around and I have no direction what to draw. I saw every parent busy pointing the best view for their kids to draw. I was alone, quietly fill up my drawing paper. I hate this feeling - the feeling of lost! As usual, my best friend emerged as the champion and I always stand next to him as we represented the same school. So, I have no choice but to follow wherever he goes. Congratulation after congratulation poured out to him. I was very upset and low self-esteem. No one came to talk to me. I remember… Yes, I remember that loneliness. As the years pass by, I kind of used to it because he will always emerged as champion or 2nd runner up. I started to think why my school keep sending me for this competition every year knowing that I will not win anything. Is it because they need someone to fill up the space? I scare the feeling of lost and loneliness.
When I was in standard 6, I told myself I must work harder. So, I borrowed a camera and went to Lumut because every year the competition will take place there with the same brief. But this time, I must try my best. After I shot few nice photos with a clear direction, I sat on a bench facing the sea, trying to embrace the moment myself. There came a homeless man. He sat next to me and we chatted. I was very curious about his life. He shared his story. That day, I learned so much from this homeless man. He advised me to always love my family and do not ended up like him. Out of compassion, I gave him few coins and kept 70 sen coin for my bus fare. I started to think about life. What is life? Why am I here? Who am I? These are the questions I never stop thinking and asking until I grew up.
After I collected my 3R photos the next day, I started to practice my drawing every night. I memorised the scene from the photo. Finally, I won my first consolation price! My best friend didn't win anything. He was very upset. I completely understand how he feel. My consolation price meant the whole world to me! I was so happy beyond word! But no one congratulated me because it was just a consolation price. The attention was on the grand winners.
But deeply from my heart, my joy is unspeakable. Then I remember my mum told me before, "I rather see you fail than to see you success if you haven't learn to embrace your failures." That day I learned what failure means to me! Now I've won my first consolation price! :-) She was very happy. Until today, I still remember vividly how happy I was! As I grew up, I learned the biggest achievement for myself is based on my process of getting my artwork done and not so much about the award.
Fast forward to 2008, after 21 years from my first consolation price. God brought my poster to Greece because it was one of the top 10 winners for best posters of the year, among 1900 posters from 1257 participants from 70 countries. Now I representing my country, Malaysia! God flew me to Greece for this award. I didn't know where is Greece. My mum was very worry that I have to travel 15 hours by flight, 8736 kilometres away from home! She kindly advice me not to go! :-) I went… (will share more on this next time)
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